Ups and Downs

Well once again it’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog, but that doesn’t seem like too much of a big deal (I don’t think people ever really read this, which is ok). Life lately has been…life. It’s had its ups, and it’s had its downs. Which I suppose since I don’t have much else to talk about right now, I’ll just talk about those.

Ups:

1. Jordan and I have been trying to go on more “dates” together lately since it’s been a while and I’m having a blast. We’re going to Incredible Pizza with two of our friends this weekend and I couldn’t be more excited! I’ve heard it’s wonderful, and it shall be wonderful company. Last weekend we went up to Davenport, mainly because I needed to get my computer fixed, but it was definitely a date. We went to the Mad Potter, which is a place where you can paint your own pottery and I had a blast. I had done something like that when I was younger and loved it. I’m excited to see what our box ends up looking like.
2. My birthday was about a week and half ago and it passed without too much fuss, which at this point is ok with me. I went to Adventureland with Jordan and some friends which was really fun. I hadn’t seen any of them for a long time so it was nice to catch up, but it was also upsetting because I’m pretty sure I won’t see them again before I go back to school. No one asks me to hang out much anymore, so Jordan and I pretty much do our own thing.
3. I got my first dozen roses. They were very pretty and are currently hanging in my room to dry so I can keep them.
4. Jordan is going to school in Cedar Rapids this fall so I won’t have to miss him anymore! I could not be more excited, I want move in day to be here right now.

Downs:

1. I need a cosigner for my loan. My mom doesn’t want to do it again and my dad got denied. But who can I have sign my loan? Who knows…but I need it to get signed. I’ll trust that God will make it happen one way or another.
2. I don’t see my friends much. At all. Which is very sad.

One thing I’ve been struggling with lately is giving God control of my life. That’s hard for me because I’m very used to being independent and getting things done on my own. I know that if I have a problem I’ll worry about it, but eventually I’ll do something about it. But I’ve realized lately that isn’t what God wants. He wants me to lay everything down at His feet and let Him take care of everything. At times I doubt that He will do it and don’t trust in Him, but he always ends up saving the day anyway, even though I’m not sure I deserve it because I have no faith in him sometimes. But other times I do, and it’s beautiful to see what he does in my life. Everything comes together, it all works out. And he has blessed me with so much already, even when I wasn’t a believer, that I really have no reason NOT to trust Him. Another thing I’ve discovered about myself lately is that I finally have a heart for something. There is something that I want to do with my life, and nothing will stop me from (eventually) reaching my goal. Of course I feel the same way about becoming a doctor, but that course is pretty much set in stone, there’s no going back now. But this is different. I have discovered that I have a heart for missions trips. Hearing what the missionaries from my church are doing and how God is changing not only their lives, but also using them to change other lives is beautiful. I want to be that person. I want to go out in the world and save somebody. Literally save someone’s life. How amazing would that be? That is our job here on Earth, to help other people know God, and here I am not doing anything. I’m becoming fat with God’s love. I’m soaking it all up but I’m not letting anything out. I need to go exercise with my love. I need to help someone else feel loved. Because I know what it feels like not to have God there, and I know what it feels like when He is. And no one needs to feel what I felt when God wasn’t there. I started to exercise His love by being a counselor at kid’s camp, which I will use a whole other blog to describe one day, but for now I’ll just say I had a blast. And I grew, so much. Going to kid’s camp didn’t satiate my hunger for doing something for God, it only made it that much stronger. I’m ready to go do something. I ready to be His hands and feet. I’m ready God, just point me in the right direction.

Phew, it feels good to get all of that out there. But I’ll stop now because otherwise I’ll just keep going and going and going and…you get the point. Until next time!